Real Life Virgin Struggle

I posted the poem below entitled, “The Virgin Struggle,” because I was the 25 year old virgin. I am very proud to say that I waited until my wedding day to have sex for the very first time, and it was one of the best decisions I ever could have made. You see, there was a conversation I had with one of my best friend’s big sister about 12 years ago that helped me make this decision. She reminded me that my body is just that, MINE, and it’s not something that should be shared with any and everyone. She let me know that although there may be tons of temptation out there  to follow the crowd and have pre-marital sex to stay strong in my decision. She let me know that giving my husband my virginity on our wedding night would be one of the best gifts I could ever give him, and guess what… she was right!

Below are a couple Bible verses that speak on sex before marriage:

Hebrews 13:4 ESV / 

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 ESV / 

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Mark 10:6-8 ESV / 

But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.

Please know that I am faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from perfect, but I have come to a place in my life where i find it imperative to stand up for what is right. Many times we assume that people have been brought up with the same knowledge as us, but unfortunately there are many people out there that really just don’t know any better- and its up to people like you and I to inform others about the truth in love.

For those of you reading this that have succumb to premarital sex, know that we serve a loving God that is willing to not only forgive you, but to give you the strength be abstinent until marriage. 

Psalm 34:17-20 ESV 

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

And for all of you ladies, and gentlemen out there that have made the decision to stay firm in your choice of virginity please know that IT CAN BE DONE. I am living breathing, proof! It was 25 LOOOOOONNNGGG HHAAARRDDDD YEARS (lol, okay i’m being a tad bit dramatic), but again, it can be done. Stay strong and stay  firm. Pray daily that the Lord will give you the strength to endure the virgin struggle.

And on that note, I hope you all have enjoyed my PW swag.

 

The Virgin Struggle

Is my body enough to please you and leave you satisfied?

Is it really the best thing that I can offer?

Read the story of my curves

The hand of the maker is the author

Can my kiss hold you over for a moment?

Or has you appetite been appeased?

Has some other woman’s fruit stole it?

Can I entice you with my reality?

Or are you already won over by some fantasy?

See, why am I trying to say is that…

I have no freaky tactics

To make you crave me like an addict

I am no toy

And I’m not down if one of your boy’s wants to get at it

I am an exclusive deal

Only one person can have this

There are no test drives

And NO! I Don’t practice

It’s nothing but raw,

Untamed,

Untrained

Pure Me

Don’t you see…

I am tired of having to compete with the girls on your TV

And I’m not just talking about Halle and “B”

I’m talking about Coco and Sparkle

All your pornography, and those “Hoes”

That only know how to waste your time

When you could be spending it with me

Letting me up grade your mind

And together we could find

The beauty in true purity

 but instead,

I’m flooded over with insecurity

Worrying if me is enough

To feed your human lusts

And I begin not to trust myself

To maintain my sexual identity

And I begin to listen to the messages telling me how to…

Keep you

Reach you

Please you

Tease you

Treat you

Touch you

Must you….keep doing this to me?

Got me wondering why

I can’t be sufficient

And why I’ve been forbidden

To embrace my unique way of being a woman

 

The type of woman that can win you with

More than her hips and her thighs

But with her words and her mind

Is the type of woman that I’m trying to be

And all I need is quality time to make you see

That she is who you should be looking for

Because she can offer you so much more

Because she chooses not conform

And she’s not defined by the media anymore

Because she’s more refined

And she’s more mature

Because time has made her wise

And she has found the strength to rise and soar

Beyond all expectations

Because God is her foundation

 

She cannot be shaken

So to allow you to keep taking

The physical part of her

Without the mental, emotional, and spiritual parts of her

Would be a big mistake

And that’s not a risk she’s willing to take

Because she deserves so much more than that

And she’s worth so much more than that

And because she’s about so much more than what the world has made her out to be

That girl cannot sell herself short sweetie

See, I’ve learned if

I can’t keep you with the best of me

Then it won’t help if you get the rest of me

So as long as life keeps giving this test to me

I accept it as part of a woman’s hustle

You just got spit to by a chick whose living

The virgin struggle.

– Aliana Denis

 

God has a sense of humor

“Demia, please report to the principal’s office, Demia, please report to the principal’s office.” Unfortunately these were words that were very familiar to me, but this time, I honestly couldn’t remember what infraction I was about to be reprimanded for. As I made the long trek across campus i searched my mind for the days events… “I made it to math class on time- so that can’t be it… I didn’t talk back to coach today…what in the world could it be??”

As I walked into my principals office she noticed my puzzled look and greeted me with a smile. You see, even though I was a frequent visitor to the office, it wasn’t always for my loud mouth or boisterous clothing selection for the day. My principal and I actually had a great relationship and would have frequent conversations throughout the week.

“Hi Ms. Barcella,” I said with a sly look. “Demia,” she began, “I have been sitting at my desk thinking about you, and I have come to the conclusion that one day, your going to be a pastor’s wife!” I nearly choked on the saliva in my mouth at these words that she just stated. “What?? Me?? A pastor’s wife??” I stated with extreme confusion. “Yes Demia, I see it. You’re going to be a pastor’s wife.” Was my principal loosing her mind, or better yet her eye sight? Did she mean to call in one of the shy quiet girls that didn’t say much, or better yet one of the girls that knew the bible from cover to cover? I couldn’t believe these utterances that had just come from her mouth. In an attempt to completely remove this thought from her head I stated, “I will NEVER  be a pastor’s wife! They are quiet and shy women that don’t have a voice, better yet even a name! Think about it, they’re called the PASTOR’S WIFE for goodness sake, that’s not the name on their birth certificate! Don’t you ever say that to me again, because that will never be my fate.”  And with three snaps in a Z formation I was done making my point; Ms. Barcella on the other hand wasn’t. She proceeded to look at me with a comical grin and state, “you just watch and see.”

As time progressed I forgot about this particular conversation with my dear principal and proceeded on with life. A few years later while out to eat with some close girlfriend’s we decided to go around the table and profess the futures that we saw for one another. “You’re going to marry a banker with glasses,” one friend remarked to another. “You’re going to be a stay at home wife with 6 kids,” another interjected. It was finally my turn and one of my friends kindly looked in my direction and stated with an air of confidence “Demia, you’re going to be a pastor’s wife!” “Yes!’ The others agreed. “Demia, you are going to be a pastor’s wife!” they all repeated in unison. I was in complete and utter shock! “Where in the world do people keep getting these thoughts of me?” I questioned myself. “I am NOT going to be a pastor’s wife!” I said in anger, “and stop saying that!”

… as the story would go, no less than a year later I met my now husband and after 6 years of dating I became the “pastor’s wife.” LOL! As I think back on things, all I can say is that God certainly has a sense of humor! I never in a million years would have thought that this would be the role that the Lord would actually have for me, but I thank Him every day for it. You see the great thing about this all is that we have a God that sits up high, but looks down low. I always associated my current role as something I never wanted to be, but because after years of fighting it and finally giving in to the voice of God, I have found my calling in life and it’s a gift that I wouldn’t give up  for the world. You see, I didn’t want to become a pastor’s wife because of all of the negative connotations that I allowed to become my reality. Because I was allowing people’s perceptions on things to govern what I was believing to be the gospel truth, I almost missed out on not only my modern day knight in shining armor, but I also almost missed out on the opportunity to be God’s hands and feet in a way that few have been chosen to do.

I laugh when I look back on things, but i’m grateful non the less on how far God has brought me. And  this my friends is the beginning story of my PW swag